Happiness and hopefulness are not synonymous. Over the last decade I have fought to maintain hope. There have been several points in my life where all hope was gone and I had given up. There are times when hoping for a specific outcome can be harmful and highly unlikely or even unrealistic, hoping your intimate partner will suddenly change and become less violent in an abusive relationship. At some point I will dive much deeper into the science of behavior and we will explore topics like abuse more then. However, hope is often what drives us to keep going. There are inevitabilities in life, such as death, however to quote the Connors, “The future is not set. There is no fate but what we make for ourselves.”
Having hope is different from being positive and allowing “fate” or “faith” to take control. Blind positivity without the drive to change the future is toxic. Everything isn’t wonderful. Humans are struggling to live safe quality lives, our planet is experiencing extreme changes, and we continue to practice blind toxic positivity. It will all work out, just have faith…
Hope however can drive action. I am disappointed, frustrated, disgusted, worried but hopeful. I believe that we may be losing battles but the war is not over. So how do we make our own fate? By fighting. There are so many ways in which we can continue to fight for a fate we design rather than succumb to whatever may occur if left unchecked.
When we think of those fighting wars, they are people who have agreed to give up everything for their cause, but don’t worry, you don’t have to give your comfort, safety or life to make gains. No one person can single handedly save the world, however, millions of people making small changes can have a huge impact.
The war you choose to battle right now might not even be world impacting yet. There have been times in my life when I had neglected my own needs to the point that I was fighting to stay alive. Some of the small changes that I had to commit to may have been as simple as getting out of my bed everyday, even if that just meant relocating to the couch. Once that became a habitat I could begin working on reconnecting with others or engaging my brain in something other than ruminating. Each little change built up to allow me to get back on my feet.
My current personal war is living MY life. I have spent most of my life taking care of others to the point of sacrificing my own wants and higher needs. Thus far I have done things I enjoy- reading more, dinner or drinks with friends, etc. However, there are many things that feed my passions that I have avoided because others feared for me doing them alone- getting out in my kayak, hiking, and exploring new places. While I would absolutely love to share these adventures with someone, I am going to start doing them for myself even if that means by myself, regardless. I am done forcing myself to be what others want from me and am going to live my life authentically and while doing this hopefully find my people along the way.
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